Minor

I know it's been a while so how are you? Healthy? Feeling great? Just ate? or perhaps you had a bad day so I can't really say good for you, can I? Just brush of that question. I just wanted to say that I'm still alive haha. okay. Im gonna warn you okay, don't read this if you don't want to be sad or at least feel pity. Okay? okay. I just, I don't know. These few days I've been feeling so weird. I mean, I always catch myself thinking about the same sappy things over and over again. It's weird, honestly and I hate is so much. It's like a virus that I can't get it away from me. Perhaps these thoughts or feelings are the ones that I've been hiding all these years. You know that feeling when you feel you're weird or just different from everybody else. WELL being unique is great but I'm not talking in that way. I mean like you feel nobody can really relate/understand your feelings. I get it we are all different. but. this is different. Look, I'm already talking nonsense. I just feel unwanted. I will always be that last person to be chosen or not be choosen at all. Among all of my friends, I just feel like a minor. I'M NOT lying. It's true. I'm not exaggerating like haha mentang2 aku sedih aku feel alone no. I won't feel like this if this is not true. okay. This is really silly, but sometimes my friends always talk about our future and ask questions about husbands and children. Well to me it's silly. Cas c'mon, me? married? husband? kids? couple? I wish. I truly wish. I can imagine them living happily with their future family but me? I don't think anybody wants me. I always wonder will there be somebody out there who thinks I'm that person. I personally think I'm nothing. not loveable. not funny. not sociable. not talented. not smart. plain weird. that's me, don't get it wrong, I do love myself but just imagining those kind of stuff makes me feel funny. okay. I know you'll say stuff like don't worry nanti ada, suata hari nanti and bla bla bla. I do appreciate that you're trying to cheer me up . THANK YOU :) but this is just how I feel. Have a nice day and sorry this was really confusing. (:

FIRST GRADING

Today, Saturday, 26th of March 2016 I just went through my first taekwondo grading. Guess what all of us passed! Woohoo ice cream for everyone but I still don't know whether I got double promotion or not because Master Bala loves loves loooooves to tease us aha aha it hurts okay. I've got to wait for about 6 days until I know the results aish I'm not a day through and am already getting nervous and anxious. I REALLY REALLY HOPE I get double promotion aaaaaa. Oh almost forgot all of my seniors were awesome magad I was in absolute awe watching them from behind and shout out to one of my seniors for helping me :)

Tuition

Wow I'm really exhausted right now but I am still determined to update this. So, today is the first day I went to my tuition class. We learnt English today and it was quite fun. The teacher is out going and funny glad he is pheww. Oh yeah it's a bonus that I understood what he taught me. Thanks teach. Imma tell you about what happened when I first arrived there. Basically, I registered first at the front desk with my mum. I felt a bit nervous because I didn't have any friends there ahaha sad and I had to speak in another language so yeah, you probably get it right if not just pretend that you are. I sat in the middle alone, there were two sits beside me and I put my bag next to me and just kept quiet while everyone else were busy talking about stuff and they talked in Hindi and I felt weird about it because I don't understand them.Surprisingly, my classmate, Hazim came into the room and I felt kind of glad that he was there but we both don't click with each other and that's a pity if not I would actually have a friend and someone to talk to. The class had like a bunch of Indians, 3 Malays including me and a Chinese boy. I'm the only Malay girl while the others are boys. *sighs heavily* I kept on spacing out and looking at the wall while waiting for the teacher and lesson to begin. Umm, it was actually an okay time for me. 

Should I?

I just wanted to get this off my chest so, I have thoughts about joining a taekwando class. There's one near my local park and it's near my house so there's like no problem about it and my parent's gave me permission to join it but when I think about it again how would it go? Because I'll be a noob and I don't know anyone there. Some of you wouldn't mind about that but I'm an insecure person hear me out. Yes it's wrong to make an excuse and especially if it's about my flaws. Hey . You don't know how I feel so calm down. But still if I don't take this opportunity then when will I ever get another chance like this, right. Hmm, that's what fusionspeaks told me and it got me thinking. Yeah. I probably should join the class. Thank you, Unnie :)

First day of SCHOOL

I just got back from my first day of school and man it was damn hot I felt like a burnt ass chicken. Hmm too bad I didn't get to sit with my kouhai but it's not like we can't see each other lol. When I first walked through the front gate it was awkward cas there were people taking pictures of the new juniors and I'm walking behind them feeling like an outcast when that shit was over my senior and my friends greeted me which made me feel welcomed and at ease. I finally met yb and she's still cute as a button. I nudged her shoulders and she gave me a big smile. Well too bad this year I can't join you guys in the asrama but hey we can still see each other :) And I saw some of my juniors Tini and Kia. Aw they were adorable haha. I feel very weird and like I did something wrong for being in my 9th grade lol. I just feel uncomfortable about it and it's disturbing me. Oh yeah, I just told my mom before school that my class is near and just next to my last year's class but someone flipped the tables and my class is like in the clouds okay maybe i'm over exaggerating. It is at the 4th floor effiiiiiiin I feel bad for the teachers and especially our parents , tsk. 

2015 to 2016

Hi so it's finally 2016, Happy New Years everybody :) I still can't believe that I'm still here and breathing really cas I've got some pretty horrible past when I was a kid well not saying that I'm a grown up now cas people would say that I'm a teenager but I still feel like I'm a little clueless kid trying to find herself in this huge planet called Earth. If you ask me about my goals I actually don't have any. Suprised? Don't be. I think that 2015 for me was a really awesome year. I met new people, seniors, juniors, teachers and ect. I also did participate in a lot of things like Hiwar, Biber and sports well "we" didn't won but it's okay cas I will always cherish the moments practising all of them with my friends and teachers. And during last year I stayed at the hostel which it's only for girls. There are some bad times but the good times are really endless especially when you're done with the final exam and for 2016 I will just be staying at home haha xD sad but that's what I decided and since I've been staying at the hostel I've started to appreciate my family especially my parents and felt like how I freakin love and miss them. I remembered my first day at hostel I cried beside my bunkmate, she is also one of my closest friends, Adani while laying on her bed and oh I hid myself using my yellow blanket cas I don't like it when people see me cry cas I just feel weak around them and uncomfortable. And I also got to know my friends better, lots of laughter and tears even some quarrels haha that's normal. And my dear friend Nabilah would always wake me up like every single day early in the morning and we would eat together at dewan makan haha good times. There's more good memories but I just want to share a lil bit with yall. I just hope that I'll be fine in 2016.